In
Vietnam, I was a Chaplain Assistant with the 199th
Light
Infantry Brigade. I was trained as a Chaplain Assistant with MOS
71M20. Our job was being a jack-of-all-trades for the Chaplain. We
were his driver, acolyte, clerk, jeep mechanic, handyman and
bodyguard, among other things.
Being
with the 199th
LIB,
we were on the TOE of Brigade HHC. This should classify us as REMFs –
the rear support personnel. The thing is, we spent most of our time
out at the Fire Support Bases with the infantry battalions.
Recently
I’ve been in contact with another Chaplain Assistant that was with
the 199th at
the same time. It was surprising to hear how much of our thoughts,
feelings and experiences were the same. I began to wonder why.
We
got back to Brigade Main Base for 2 nights a week, when our Chaplain
was on duty there. During that time we spent a lot of time visiting
the wounded at the 2 evac hospitals. We saw very little of our
fellow Chaplain Assistants – except during these visits to BMB –
and then only those that happened to be in at the same time. We were
never at BMB long enough to develop any friendships with the support
personnel. We didn’t really “belong” to this group – we were
field guys.
Back
to the FSB. We lived with the grunts, rat patrol, snipers, and
recon. Our closest friends were 11B, 11E, etc. For some strange
reason these guys adopted us. But we never felt we really “belonged”
to their group. We lived with them, drank with them, partied with
them. We laughed and cried with them. We were invited to their stand
down parties. But we could not “belong” because we didn’t share
the field/combat experience.
Some
of us ended up going out with the troops one way or another. My
Chaplain wasn’t happy when he found out I went with the rat patrol
when they escorted the infantry for troop insertion. Recon was
willing to take me along on a short patrol – but the Chaplain put a
stop to that. Others were able to spend more time in the boonies –
yet we still didn’t feel that we “belonged”.
We
visited the sick and wounded. We set up the Field Cross for memorial
services. We suffered survivor guilt to varying degrees.
And mostly we kept it all to ourselves. After all, it was our job to
assist the Chaplain helping the troops. Hell, I don’t think our
Chaplains had any idea what we were feeling.
I
moved on to HHB II Field Force Vietnam Artillery in the fall of 1970.
IIFFV was a REMF group, but my roots were in the field. I wore my
boonie hat with pride. Ball caps were required at IIFFV unless you
came from a field unit. So, while I made some good friends, I still
didn’t really “belong”.
When
we got back to the “world”, it was difficult for all Vietnam
Vets. The country did not accept and understand us. We no longer
“belonged” to their social group.
Each
of us handled this in our own way. I finished my college degree and
used work to suppress the thoughts for over 30 years. Now, with
retirement, the war in Iraq and some other catalysts I probably don’t
recognize, the feelings have come to the front. And I still don’t
feel that I really “belong”.
SP5
Tom “Preach” Winfield
71M20
Vietnam
