Depression is Kicking in

As if not riding my bikes since December 12th isn't bad enough, we have had 2 full blown blizzards. Add in bitter cold, gale force winds, and piles of snow. Snowbound at the house 3 times this winter.

Last month I spent a week in the hospital for biopsy and colonoscopy. The biopsy showed that I have a malignant tumor on my left shoulder blade - Extraskelatal Myxoid Chondrosarcoma. There were concerns with nodules on my lungs.

Another stint in the hospital for lung biopsy and possible shoulder surgery. Monday I got the word that nodules on the lungs are also malignant - the same cancer as on the shoulder.

Recovery from the lung biopsy has not been easy. I left the operating room with a drain tube in my chest cavity. That came out Thursday (without medication and with some pain).

The thought of surgery to remove the cancer on the shoulder is now out the window. Looks like a combination of radiation and chemo therapy for the shoulder. This type of cancer is difficult to treat with radiation. That's why the plan is the combination approach.

Since the lung nodules do not seem to be growing and are very small, the plan is to monitor the lungs with x-rays and CT scans.

So, that's the medical situation here. All of this has weighing on my mind. Have been trying to keep a positive attitude but it has started getting too much. Retired social worker stopped by this morning while I was sleeping. I did not get to chat with him. Bored in the room, another overcast afternoon. Nobody to vent to.

I really need a good cry. Closed the door to my room for some quite. Have not eaten since early breakfast (and not really hungry). Today they started another test -- collecting my urine for the next 24 hours. Looks like at least Monday until I can get released from here.

The cancer, dealing with heparin and coumadin, here in the hospital - I just want it all to go away.